I HATE BEING I WOMAN AND BEING HURT BY A THOUGHT CARELESS ASSHOLE!!!
I want to be happy, loved and sought after, but instead i work so hard at my job, school and clean up after a child how is supposed to be a MAN! I find my self crying on a weekend because I have nothing to do and wait for him to get home. Please help me anyone how read this!

My thoughts dwindle like a sunny day, once found happiness lost like a childhood make believe games and love had, but taken away as reality grows. Watching a flower bloom only to see it die, finding a hero to find out that it just a man in a costume and learning that pink isn't pink, but the new black. Think your size 7 then jumping to a 16, finding love when you thought you had all God intended for your life and finding all your efforts are unnoticed when you where trying your best. Thinking everything was okay when it was crumbing right under you. Hoping for change when it will never come, looking lustfully at happiness of another's and feeling free for a few seconds and seeing the chains rapped around you. Looking at a beautiful poem and figuring it has no meaning, hearing a complement only to know it is empty flattery and thinking your good at same thing, but belittled by the least qualified. Loving someone, but not knowing it until it's to late and letting fear keep you from ever lasting love. Finding through your own immaturity you lost someone that knew how to truly love you. If I was a boy maybe I'd understand....

My beloved friend and lost friend, I have always loved you, respected you and never forgotten your love you once had for me. I have been stripped of all pride, self decency and honor. My faith in my beliefs and in man have been shattered. I am looking for a friend who will love me despite my faults and ignorance. I will reach out to you once more and never again. I can not handle silence anymore because i have that with my faithless spouse. I have said to you what my heart cries and I promise to say no more. Good-bye my twin.

Ok well as far and long that I run from being part of Myspace it didn't last. One of my friend threated and made one although I told her many times that I won't use it or not really post on it, but for those of you that are intrested it, it is there. I think you can find it through gods_ornament or my name: kristen. So...yeah anyway...

I find that my zeal for thing that were once important and made me happy are unfullfiling for me. So, have any of you come to a point where you have so much to say, but don't know where to start? I feel overwhelmed by this so, for those reading this what would you like me to write about? What about me are you curious about and would like to know more on?

I'm currently on my last week in Trinidad and a lot has happened. I'm enjoying my time with Una and Paula Simon, being there has allowed me get to know Paula more, she is as fun and weird as me;) Staying with Mrs. Simon she has been very caring and has catered to my low carb diet. I truly appreciate the little things she dose (making meals, folding my clothes when I was in a hurry, etc.). Paula and I either after work go exercising or run errands and on Fridays we go to a ballroom class, which is lots of fun and a lot of people there are part of Elijah Centre.

This past Tuesday Paula, me and three others went to Tobago for the day (in Trinidad they had a public holiday). They told me that the water is clear and green/blue and that the scene was lead back, it was that and much more. It was beautiful day and the temperature was perfect. The beaches were far from crowded and there was a slight breeze the whole day.

Being my last day at Teleios I have to say I have enjoyed being around my friends and seeing them in a work environment; this has allowed me to have more experience in the administrative field and become more confident in what I was taught from my previous jobs. The managers has shown genuine care for me, my process and they work together/communicate with one and strive for the same goals. I'm excited for Teleios as they move forward and expand in the processes of God.

Through this six month period it has allowed me not only to grow, but make mistakes. It has very much been a training period for me. Some of my goals were to build kingdom friendships which thanks to my friends I have felt welcomed, loved and valued. Also another goal was and still is to find out who God is to me and I’m finding this through a constant process and it been easy for me here because this time here has allowed me examine myself and applied acquired principles in my life that have been taught to me while here. Through examining those that on E.C it has allowed me to see how we should live before God. I hope when I return to put all that I have learned into action and all those that have invested in my process whether it’s financially or their time, I hope that how I have changed and how I will continue to grow will be more then a meager thank you.

Thanks everyone that gave me feed back and for those that didn't thank you for read the updates and I hope you have not only learned more about me, but have benefited from my process.

Hi Everyone,

I have started a new job, which I have starting my second week. I'm a Intern at Teleios and I'm working the administrative department. Teleios sells systems for software (dose not sell software), maintains client websites, they give proposals and upgrades to companies/governments to better the software systems. Teleios is the behind the scene people that maintain promotions for companies; so basically the companies say we want this with our advertisements/promotions and we maintain it in one aspect. I'm currently adding/upgrading the file system and making records for them. I find that to make a new system of how we file, is a long, but a profitable thing to do; so it really needs to be done and also it wasn't on the top of the others priority list. Also there are lots of people that attend Elijah Centre that are working there.

I am still at Shelley Worrell home, which we are doing great and it is possible I will move in with one of my friends and her mom for the last two or three weeks once I get the go ahead from Dr. Woodroffe. Shelley and I have learning from one another and found out in a sense we have the similar issues that we are working on.

I'm realizing the benefits of being here and that in Trinidad I not only had the opportunity to grow, but to make mistakes and learn from them. I had time to grow and when I return to the U.S I have no doubt that the other things that I didn't know I changed in will be accessed. I look forward to what will happen in the future. ttyl

Ashley: I totally just lost a pen. I have no idea where it might possibly have gone, I just know it's not here in my general vicinity.
Ashley: I think... it must have been the miscellaneous object gnomish theives.
Ashley: The ones that swipe lipstick, pens, one sock out of a pair...
Ashley: those ones.
Kristen: Haha gosh you sound like me "giggle"
Ashley: What's worst is when they steal one sock out of two different pairs that do not match as to how they are on your feet. Like, one long sock and one short sock.
Ashley: Bel's missmatched socks are all well and good when they are purple and green, but whitish grey and greyish white? Not the neatest things in the universe.
Kristen: haha lol
Ashley: It's just like how you can have this tiny little purse that's no bigger than both your hands cupped together and it still takes you 10 minutes to hunt down your gum/keys/chapstick.
Ashley: I don't understand.
Ashley: It must be like some lesser known universal Murphy's Law of the pocket book/miscellaneous objects.
Kristen: haha ok ok stop i'm going to pee in my pants
Ashley: If it can be lost, it will be. If there are two of them, one of them will go missing.
Ashley: At least with earrings, you know, we can pull off that weird 80s look and blame it to us doing it on purpose.

This just part of why I love Ashley, she has a way of make me laugh whenever or now when I’m feeling blah (but it was really hard not to burst out loud while reading it at work).

> NEVER SAY TO A COP
> 1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
> (OK in Texas)
> 2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar
> detector wasn't plugged in.
> 3.Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
> 4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep
> up with me. Good job!
> 5. Are You Andy or Barney?
> 6. I thought you had to be in relatively good
> physical condition to be a police officer.
> 7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
> 8. I pay your salary!
> 9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer
> only gave me a warning, too!
> 10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just
> so one of us does.
> 11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I
> know there are no other
> cars around.. That's how far ahead of me they are.
> 12. When the Officer says "Gee ....Your eyes look
> red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't
> respond with,"Gee Officer your eyes look glazed,
> have you been eating doughnuts?"

	My Dream Car!!!!
	06 Mazda3, 5 door
	But I would like it in dark gray....

Me Time

Verse 1:
All things being equal
I always put you first
You know that I've been down for you
Through better and through worse
All things being equal
Boy I've been more than cool
So it seems only natural
To expect the same of you
Now I'm not trying to start nothing
I like things drama free
But there won't be nothing to stop
If you keep sweatin' me
Sometimes a girl just needs her space
No different than her man
If I don't care that you do you
Why can't you deal with this?

Chorus:
I need some me time
Not some you and some I
Just some me time, oh—
I need some she time
Not some him and some her
Just some free time, oh—
I wanna run with my girls
Hit the club, hit the mall
Get my nails and hair done
Spend a day at the spa
Boy you ain't gotta worry
There ain't nothin' goin' on
I need some me time
That's all, and that's all

Verse 2:
All things being equal
You're not the only one
If I wanted to roll like that
I could have anyone I want
All things being equal
I got a right to choose
The only thing you need to know
My choice is always you
Now I'm not tryin' to flip on you
Or make a mess of things
But if I put trust in you
Then you should do the same
I'm not goin' anyplace
I'm not goin' anywhere
So you gotta' be actin' all scared

Chorus:
I need some me time
Not some you and some I
Just some me time, oh—
I need some she time
Not some him and some her
Just some free time, oh—
I wanna' run with my girls
Hit the club, hit the mall
Get my nails and hair done
Spend a day at the spa
Boy you ain't gotta' worry
There ain't nothin' goin' on
I need some me time
That's all, and that's all

Bridge:
You're the most important thing in the world to me
Can't you get it through your head
I ain't never gonna leave you, I ain't about to
Baby don't you understand how much I love you
I'm not deserving of your doubt and lack of trust for me
Boy it's disturbing you wouldever think that low of me
I've told you everything and anything that's going on
That's why I want you to know

Chorus:
I need some me time
Not some you and some I
Just some me time, oh—
I need some she time
Not some him and some her
Just some free time, oh—
I wanna' run with my girls
Hit the club, hit the mall
Get my nails and hair done
Spend a day at the spa
Boy you ain't gotta worry
There ain't nothin' goin' on
I need some me time
That's all, and that's all

(I came across this song and it really spoke to me and remind me in some areas of you Ashley and it remind me of how Bel values her alone time) "hugges"

   I hope the summer vacation for those that are in school went well and the transferring in to the new school/college year is running smoothly and for those that have the kids I'm sure your are so glad to send them off the school;) I am still at the Ruddens in till this Sunday, which I will move in with Shelly, who was the regular person that I was to move in with when I came down. Shelly is great sweet and she lives on her own, I think she is around late twenties, early thirties. She also attends my church (Elijah Centre) and works at my new job.

I'm so exited my mom is coming to see me, well partly. The other reason is she have a conference to attend, but none the less I will have at least a little time with her. I'm in the process of make her a fruit/gift basket (it's a surprise, giggle). I can wait to see how things go!! Oh yeah, she's coming in 4 days.

	This poem was written by a terminally ill young girl in a New York Hospital. It! was sent by a medical doctor - Make sure to read what is in the closing statement AFTER THE POEM. SLOW DANCE Have you ever watched kids On a merry-go-round? Or listened to the rain Slapping on the ground? Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?   Or gazed at the sun into the fading night? You better slow down. Don't dance so fast. Time is short. The music won't last. Do you run through each day On the fly? When you ask How are you? Do you hear the reply? When the day is done ! Do you lie in your bed With the next hundred chores Running through your head? You'd better slow down Don't dance so fast. Time is short. The music won't last. Ever told your child, We'll do it tomorrow? And in your haste, Not see his sorrow? Ever lost touch, Let a good friendship die Cause you never had time To call and say,"Hi" You'd better slow down. Don't dance so fast. Time is short. The music won't last. When you run so fast to get somewhere You miss half the fun of getting there. When you worry and hurry through your day, It is like an unopened gift.... Thrown away. Life is not a race. Do take it slower Hear the music Before the song is over. -------------------- Dr. Dennis Shields, Professor Department of Developmental and Molecular Biology 1300 Morris Park Avenue Bronx , New York 10461

I found out a couple of days ago that my Mom is coming to visit me in Trinidad and coming for the Bible conference. She meant it as a surprise, but I found out because my pastor sent out a e-mail for us to pray for the people that are going to the Bible conference and my moms name was on the list.

My first feeling was anger, because I came down here to get away from my family so I can find out who I am and who God is for myself. So I felt like she was infringing on my time here and my time of personal growth. The more I thought about it the more I found this feeling of anger and resentment to ugly and distasteful. I reminded myself that I love my mom and she has been through the thick and thin with me. The more I thought of her and who she is I new that she was coming because she misses me and wants to see how I'm doing as a mother and because she want to learn from this Bible conference which I will be attend as well.

After examining myself I felt remorse and shame for how I first felt. I choose know to see correctly, in doing so I'm exited and I can't wait to show my mom around. I find that I miss the good times with her, but not the painful issues that still remain. I feel at times like I have a split personality and I'm wrestling with the ugly part of myself.

For laughs I think many will enjoy this:)